I ordered a bunch of popcorn for a school fundraiser in Jasper's name so that he could obtain some prize for selling enough popcorn. Popcorn pick up time was today from after school (around 3:40) until 5:00. Knowing I had to take some extra time to pick up the popcorn after school, I called Calliope's therapy center to let them know I'd be about 10 minutes (I figured) late for her 4:00 appointment. I picked up Calliope and Jasper and drove around to other side of the school to where popcorn was being dispensed. When I got Calliope out of the car, she gave me a couple of angry noises and yelled, "Go backward!" I assured her we would still be going to therapy, but we just had to get something first. Lo and behold, there was an enormous line that was barely moving for the popcorn pick up. I hadn't expected that. I started to get stressed because I didn't want Calliope to melt down, as she had shown precursors. I was worried about her having to wait, and I was worried we'd be too late and her therapy would be canceled, which I feared would upset her today. I was annoyed about the long line, and I expressed these concerns to Jasper (pretty sure guy in front of me heard this). Directly ahead of guy in front of me was an official looking woman. I thought she was with the school, and I was thinking I'd have to leave and come back, so I asked if the popcorn dispensing would continue until at least 5:00. She said she didn't know, as she wasn't a school person but was there with her large group of Safe Key kids who made up a large portion of the line ahead. She said I could go in front of them. I accepted. So I guess that was me being a asshole, as I didn't ask permission from the one guy who had been between me and Safe Key kids, which I should have. In my defense, I was stressing out and had kind of forgotten him. I was thanking Safe Key kids when guy starts loudly complaining to the whole line about me moving ahead of him in the line. (Note, I put him and only him---he didn't even have a kid with him---one place back.) I said, admittedly angrily, "Fine, I'll leave." He said, "We're all waiting patiently." I said, "Sorry, are you dealing with an autistic kid here?" He responded, "Oh, now you're using your kid!" Look, I think, under the circumstances, him knowing my situation, his first asshole move was not letting it slide when I moved forward (I hope I would have let it slide under similar circumstances), but hey, maybe he was late to something too. But "Now you're using your kid" is when this guy achieved true levels of assholery, so I responded, "You're an asshole." He then retorted, "Now you're swearing in front of children." And I did feel like an utter dunce for swearing in front of all those people at the school. I apologized to all and went to him and offered a personal apology---"Sorry, I'm stressed." He kinda responded disdainfully. I left to take Calliope to therapy. And I felt pretty shaken. I was upset by the confrontation. I was worried that the elementary staff wouldn't be thrilled, worried that the other parents wouldn't be thrilled. Honestly, I was not especially worried about the kiddies, as I think they often hear worse and were generally amused by the whole thing. But I'm really, really upset that I apologized to the asshole. Looking back, he was such an asshole. His whole attitude---accusing me of using my kid, condescendingly berating me for swearing in front of the kids. And in the first place (though I sympathize with his annoyance), he should have addressed me personally and not gone for public shaming. Pure asshole. I should have apologized to everyone else but re-iterated that the asshole, however, was exactly as I'd described him. Now, in fairness, the asshole might have another point of view on this. I'm sure I'm not remembering what was said verbatim, as I was a big ball of emotion. Asshole might even be entirely unaware that he's an unbelievable asshole; he probably thinks I'm the unbelievable asshole---two sides to every story and all. But this is my perception.
I guess mainly, I kinda just needed to sit down and vent, but with regard to how not to be an asshole, I'm thinking about how he and I could have better handled the situation. I should have tried to speak more privately to him and not publicly addressed him in response, even though he publicly addressed me. Even better, I should have just left. I should have not let my emotions get the better of me. But also, please never tell the parents of a special needs kid that they're selfishly using their kid. Yeah, we take the perks when Universal Studio gives us the pass so we won't have to wait in as many long lines. Because it's already hard enough managing our special needs kid there, but we do want to have the experience, we want our special needs kid to have the experience, and we want our neurotypical kids to have the experience. And we'll take what help we can get to make a challenging experience better. We take the bus to get our kid to school, because it helps. We take the extra support our kid needs at school, because she needs it, and we can't give her the experience going to school can. We take the nice people at church who are willing to watch Calliope so we can go to class. Okay, yes, we probably take all the help we can get. It alleviates some of the stress---yup, we take it. Is that selfishly using our kid? Look, I'm really not in it for the perks. Thanks to all who help us every day. And there are a lot of you. Thank you.
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